memory lane: things, people & life have changed

So next year I was on the move back to New Zealand to go flatting with my really good mate heids, but things seem to have taken a very big turn on me! im one of thoughs people who can not really make up their mind; and its the worst thing someone can have, one moment im goin home next im not then im on a flight to China!
anyways my parents have been telling me about reality; and to be really honest im scared of it. what if i fail? what if i dissapoint?
im scared that i will head back home & things are not like i planned. and also i have bugger all money saved and there is no excuse for that as i get paid well and have nothing to spend it on & what makes it worst is my parents pay for everything :S
- so for now the idea is to stay in the land of money & get myself set up soo that i can do anything i wish with my life.
- i also feel like a really crappy friend for not keeping to my word but how do you tell someone that your just not ready to move away from everybody you love.

NEXT:
i woke up saturday morning to the most worst txt; my closest kuszhin Chancie had been put in hospital with a inflamed heart & was haveing difficulty breathing!!! its the worst thing when your miles away, chancie is like my other half; in a soul connection soo that really put a grey cloud on my mood, but the up news is if he wants he can go to the canterbury bulldogs in sydney; in the start of november if he wants!!!!!! so had a long talk to him about that :) & if he does ill be goin to sydney at least once every two months which is sooo exciting! until i found out that i will be staying in the house called the dog house, which is where all the young boys stay; well you can imagine my dads reaction... NO BLOODY WAY ;p

ALSO: have my uncle's 21st coming up in two weeks :) we've polished off his yard glass, sort of scary considering that im next in line to do the yardie... its our family tradition so we will see :S all of our family apart from my nana is flying up for it; so its also a great big family reunion & you need to understand that when my family get together its nothing but pranks, laughter, good food, loads of bullshit & smiles. soo bring it on i say ! hopefully my family loves it soo much that they move up here would jus make life so much more better.

AND: i also had my best mate from auzz come up and stay a week with me Georgia Alice Te Rangi Whakapunia Bush :) which you could imagine was jus laughter the whole time! im sure mum was tempted to buy earmuffs haha, but it was great have bolo up here; showed me who true friends really are & her family also invited me to bali in September which im still really thinking about its just the money thing that gets in the way of every great plan ! like usual!